Stand-up Comedy day on Comedy Central

We're all fat these days. And we're all so fat that we have to have all these crazy diets. Like the cave man diet. Eat all the meat and fat as you want and you'll lose weight - you'll look skinny like a cave man. That doesn't work. Cavemen were skinny because they had to chase an animal round for a week and kill it with a stick before they could eat it..... Now, if you had to chase haagen-daz across the tundra...you might lose some weight.

-Greg Giraldo

“Fashion Rule #4: If you’re back is so hairy that you’ve been shot with a tranquilizer dart on more than one occassion....say 'yes' to sleeves.”

-Jeff Foxworthy